Due to an unforeseen nomination, this correspondent found himself on expedition to the Amanda awards. It's the Norwegian Oscars. The awards are part of the Norwegian International Film Festival in Haugesund.
Strange serums! Action heroines! Occupy mayor desk! Visual effects! Red carpets!
My expedition notes.
It is a grand and strange spectacle. I attended the award
ceremony on Friday and the opening of the festival on Saturday. My
manager Per was there with me and also lots of the Indie team (production company), as the film was nominated to four awards. I was glad to have clever friends.
I had calculated and reasoned with myself, with four nominations
and on average four nominees per category it was statistically likely
that Pushwagner would receive one award. Most obvious award would be the
visual effects.
It just makes sense. If you watch the movie it's obvious. The
visuals brings to life the established art of Pushwagner into the
universe of the film, which again represents a struggle of making art.
It's like animating layers of dimensions of meta. It's not only great
production by the effects team, it is a great idea by the directors and
brilliant enhancement of Pushwagner's art. Everything combined into a
perfect formula. Not saying other parts of the movie is bad, it's just
that the visuals are in a league of their own both in execution and
concept. I am satisfied these calculations turned out correct.
Still, during the award ceremony I was extremely nervous and
excited and hyped until THE EVIL HAPPENED. Then I made some quiet Gollum
sounds, just loud enough for the production director (row in front of
me) to hear. After that I was extremely bored.
I found it more fascinating to watch the production itself than the
show. It's like they are running a kindergarten. The production is
really tight. You are not allowed to do anything. You are shepherded
anywhere everywhere. Sit in your seat and keep quiet and clap when we
say so! YES SIR! If you get an award stand here! YES! After, go THERE!
YES SIR! The show was buffered, not live, everything was happening 30-40
minutes before airing. So they could redo some segments that sucked.
They did.
I was seated on row 2, dangerously close to the stage, grouped with
most of the Indie crew. That is them directors there in that photo, and
visual effects guys taking seats behind. I was next to the
camera.
People winning awards still need to use my USB cable to charge their iPhones, hah!
Lost my iPhone. Actually didn't really LOOSE it, I LEFT it
UNINTENIONABLE on a table. Bar crew found it. A smirking hotel reception
gave it back to this mildly panicking correspondent at 05 am. Find my
iPhone doesn't really work when you are 8 floors above it. Or maybe it
does.
There are a lot of film stars everywhere at all times and I had no
idea who anybody was anytime. Doesn't matter, everybody was friendly.
Sometimes somebody told me who somebody somewhere were and I still had
no idea.
I'm sure I grabbed the last bacon at breakfast just in front of
someone extremely famous. Dear extremely famous: Those eggs and bacon
was REALLY GREAT and bacon always is and I'm quicker than you.
On my way in, I was arriving Haugesund from Berlin via Copenhagen
and Oslo. Early morning at Tegel I ran into a great friend of mine also
going to the festival. He travels a lot and has business lounge access
at Kastrup, where there is free everything! Ha ha! He can bring a guest.
That was me! Ha ha! This expedition was hardly off the ground before we
were in film star operation mode in the business lounge.
After this flying start, more airports. Less lounges. On the final
flight into Haugesund, lots of film people. The woman next to me looked
like an action movie film star. I felt quite safe flying next to her,
I'm sure if snakes hijacked the plane she would chew them apart and all
that stuff they do, but in a very gracious manner.
But she fell asleep. I watched Norway scrolling below me. I
pretended not to worry about what to say. Then, on approach to
Haugesund, a windy coastal town, the plane went into spontaneous crazy
turbulence. Dearest me. I started worrying, what happens if we crash?
Will it improve my chances of an award? Probably! Because if I'm dead
it's like a post-humous thing. Will anybody cry? Will they make a
montage? What track will they use? Mine? Will I get royalties? Maybe it
will suck. I should have planned this. Or will everybody laugh? Oh no.
Who will receive my award? But this internal drama of a few milliseconds
was suddenly interrupted. Action movie film star woman next to me
woke up like any action movie star and said something hilarious about
waking up and cowboys driving airplanes. She was like Bruce Willis mixed
with Bill Murray. Only prettier.
Lost that tiny USB thing for the wireless mouse. It's completely
gone. Why do they make them so small! It's great until it's not!
By magical coincidence that only happens in movies, I was in an
elevator trip that resulted with this correspondent hooking up with the
other best music nominees. They were awesome. We had great fun comparing
work and experiences and genres and awards and curiosity and
disappointments and beers and laughs. We were the last table to be
thrown out of the festival opening party. This was great. It was also
the same scene as the disappearing iPhone. It's always like this I find
new friends I loose iPhones.
Haugesund is a nice town. There's a fjord, or the Hauge-"sund" I
guess, cutting straight through the city. But only one fjord. Haugesund
is like a monophonic 2D version of Venice.
Late afternoon on awards night, something appeared in my hotel
room. I really mean it, it just APPEARED! Look photo above. WHAT IS
THAT!
Came running back to my room to change in 2 minutes, and found...
THAT. A bag on my floor. Just like that, there. With strange artifacts
of science and foreign languages. I was fascinated. Investigated.
Made an honest observation field report. Quite peculiar! Seems to
be some kind of collection of youth serum from another world. I am
reluctant to make experiments. There was also a mysterious cube of rock.
An asteroid from another world! Maybe from the world of the funny
action movie film star eating turbulence. Observe the geometrical
shapes! Observe rock formation changing from bottom to top. They make no
sense. So strange.
Earlier, upon arrival in Haugesund there was a reception at city
hall, with the mayor and all that... things and people of importance.
I met the rest of the Indie crew. Everyone looked super sexy hot.
The room also really was hot. There was sushi. It was really bad sushi.
There was a speech by the mayor. I missed it! We were out for fresh air
because we were so hot. There was the mayor. I shook hands with him. And
his wife. They must have greeted hundreds. What a job. I also occupied
his desk! He didn't notice. I was nervous. maybe he was too.
And voila I'm a thing of importance! All it takes is a desk.
Walked many red carpets here and there, they're everywhere, unavoidable.
Did some interviews. I observe, if you don't win, they don't use
it. If you win, they use whatever they got. So you kind of have to
pretend you might win but not enough so it looks like you think you
might win.
Saturday, the day after the awards, was some business and stuff,
hanging with manager, meeting people, but also free time, hung out with
the visual effects guys, they are really great guys, we drifted around,
watching festival movies, having dinner, flowing around the festival
area, laughing over beers.
Splendid day. There were fireworks at some point. Very lots of
fireworks, lots of oil money up in the clouds. Discussed with the visual
effects guys, fireworks is the most obvious effect to do in post.
There's an unlearnable lesson there.
Saw Kon-Tiki, the festival opening feature. Gorgeous, crammed with
impressement and blue ocean and malevolent sushi. It's like Titanic just
about science and mad crazy archeology and the iceberg is at the start
and it's very tiny and Heyerdahl is like a social democratic Indiana
Jones so maybe not really Titanic but sort of Kon't-Panic.
I got secret love messages from the festival on my TV in the hotel
room! But they were really boring and stuff like "A car will pick you up
at 1400". Blah blah! Soon, everything on the planet will have an inbox.
This is also both good and bad.
My final, and maybe most important observation struck me a few days after the the festival. And I didn't
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it because I didn't realize. But everybody everywhere was the same age.
My age. Our age? Both at the awards and at the festival. There were
exceptions but they were exceptions. It's like a single generation. I
don't know if this is a good sign or bad sign. I think it is both.
Conclusion! This was my third visit as nominee to awards in
different media. I've been to music and TV previously. Statistically I'm
on schedule, I'm still way below average, and certainly per award. I
think maybe I liked this one best, film awards are nice. It was a more
relaxed tone, balanced. I had a really great time. I got to meet a lot
of great people.
I'm surprisingly satisfied with how the awards were awarded. Everything felt just right.
Expedition status: Success.